I have two very distinct goals in my head.
1. Make foods amoral and not a big deal.
2. Lose weight.
Over the last week, #2 has been winning.
I even considered Weight Watchers and researched them. Thankfully, I am really too cheap to pay for a diet. I did restrict yesterday and ended up overeating at night because I was, well, hungry!
I also feel like I can see the horizon where food is not so important but I just...can't get there. I think because I have conflicting goals, this creates a roadblock (ha, more transportation metaphors). Being thin is not as important as my mental health. Dieting also makes me a boring, unpleasant person: a hungry girl who can't think or discuss anything beyond food or appearance.
I think that's why food is so important to me; eating and dieting have always been my hobbies. I was never really encouraged to explore my passions as a younger person; be successful, fit in, and, well, that's about it. I think if I'm able to explore other passions and interests, this will help the food obsessions fall by the wayside and help me work towards goal #1.
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