Journal Entry

I am going to try really hard to listen to my mind and body today be gentle with myself today and not worry too much about my food choices. I am going to eat what sounds good, eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm full. I am also going to try and make it to the gym this afternoon, time permitting.

Breakfast (9:30am)
I packed plain yogurt with mixed berry preserves stirred in. Ehh. I hadn't tried this before and plain yogurt has a cheesy taste to it. I think I am so used to sweetened yogurt, it's a shift. About halfway through my sugar felt like it was rising so I added in some almonds for protein. This added a nice crunch and helped balance the cheesy flavor. I also had a cup of green tea. I am loving green tea in the morning, very refreshing!

Lunch (12:45pm)
Salad with ranch dressing and a turkey sandwich on dark rye. This was a really good lunch! I felt like I was eating a lot but I continued to eat until I felt full (and it was all gone). I also had a Pepsi after lunch to help perk me up!

I went to the gym around 2:45. I did a quick warmup on the treadmill (the machine sounded wonky so I didn't want to try running!) and then did a brief elliptical workout. It was a little hard (still healing from my respiratory virus) but felt good!

Snack (3:55pm)
I was just thinking that I really wanted some fruit and then remembered I had some green grapes! I was unreasonably excited about this. Also having my string cheese stick for a little protein/fat. Within about 10 minutes, however, I knew this was not sufficient (empty tummy feeling) so threw in a high-protein granola bar for good measure. I'll probably continue intermittently snacking on my grapes as well and sipping on the Pepsi from earlier. I also snuck in 2 mini-chocolate bars. Surprisingly, I still felt "tummy-empty", like I needed something with some fat it in. I am going to try and sit tight and see if it passes once my sugar levels rise a little.

Dinner (7:30pm)
I did make it until dinner! I know one tough part of the later afternoon is boredom so I have to keep that in check. Dinner was fairly simple: kielbasa and cabbage with a bit of mashed potatoes. I wasn't terribly full but I figured I'd have a snack later

Snacks (9:00pm)
I had a small bowl of ice cream that I shared with the little one. I also ended up having a package of snack cakes, after which I felt really agitated and guilty. I am going to put my reactions to this in a follow-up post because I don't want them to get lost.

Journal Entry: Self care

I woke up in a pretty good place this morning. I am trying to focus more on loving myself (see previous post) and it's amazing how good it feels. The challenge will be keeping it up! I am going to try a new item called "Things I Am Loving About Me" at the end of every post (look for it today!).

To start with, I picked an outfit that made me feel pretty and comfortable: a navy, ruched, v-neck shirt, tobacco brown cargo pants with a drawstring, elastic-y waist, and my favorite bronze flats. I left my hair down and am growing it out, loving the feminine feeling it gives me. My nails still look great from my gel manicure, yay! Okay, on to the food:

Breakfast (9:45am)
Got to work late due to a traffic jam and am starving! Instant oatmeal with pineapple (a new discovery, yum!) and Irish Breafkast tea with cream and sugar. I would love non-instant oatmeal but this is just easier at work. Yummy breakfast overall.

Snack (11:30am)
Since I have the gym tonight, I try and eat my lunch a little later. Not entirely intuitive but I'm not exactly hungry for lunch yet anyway. I had planned a yogurt for my morning snack but am wanting something carby (yay, PMS). Decide on a dark chocolate and nut granola bar. Nom Nom Nom. Still drinking my tea as well.

Lunch (12:40pm)
Well, rats. My gym class was cancelled for tonight. I'll go to the work gym later this afternoon instead. Yay for flexibility! Getting hungry for lunch. PB&J sandwich on whole wheat, carrots with honey mustard to dip. Two cinnamon graham crackers for dessert made a tasty yet light lunch! I finished off with a cup of green tea.

Pre-workout snack (2:30pm)
Wow, I just realized how long it's been since lunch, great! (I know 2 hours doesn't seem like much but with hypoglycemia and small meals, this is a great amount of time for me.) Feeling a little peckish and going to exercise at 3, so I grab an apple to keep my sugar up until post-workout. Pink Lady, yum!

Post-workout snack (4pm)
(No, I didn't work out for 1.5 hours. 20-30 minutes is my average on non-boot camp days.) Since I did a pretty strenuous workout, I am thinking a protein bar will be a good choice (yay, I know) but first an orange is sounding good to rehydrate a little bit. The, well, technically it's a tangerine, really hit the spot. I also ate my protein bar to refuel and finished my green tea.

Dinner (7:15pm)
Dinner was kind of a bust because most of it got overcooked (not my doing!). I ate about half a pork chop and a little bit of angel hair and roasted brussel sprouts. Definitely not full. Bleh.

Snack (8pm)
I had a small bowl of heath ice cream that was mediocre. About an hour later I was still hungry and had a snickerdoodle cookie with a thin layer of peanut butter and a small glass of milk. THIS was satisfying.

Besides the dinner, I really enjoyed my eating today!

Journal Entry: New Focus

This is a follow-up to yesterday's post

Breakfast (9:30am)
I toast my English muffin and put the butter on it. Normally I would just eat it untoasted so taking the time to do this really feels nice. Plus, it tastes a lot better! I also have a cup of green tea, which I really enjoy. I don't feel "full" after this meal but decide to wait. I want to try and really focus on my hunger today instead of just following a planned menu or schedule.

Lunch (11:20am)
Feeling noticeably hungry. I decide to go ahead and have my lunch instead of a snack. Leftover takeout chicken burrito with black beans and a little Spanish rice. YUM. Water as beverage.

Afternoon tea (12:45pm)
Hmm, my tummy is not happy after lunch. I am thinking it may have been the spices or the beans. Bleh. I decide on a cup of mint chamomile tea, which always tends to settle my tummy.

Besides the mild tummy ache, I am feeling good today. This could be from the foods I am choosing or just the simple fact of feeling like I am trying to take good care of myself.

Snack (2pm)
Hungry again. I started getting hungry about 15 mins ago but waited to "make sure". The afternoons are definitely my toughest times for overeating. After dithering for a while, I decide to start with my cashews. I figure I may have a piece of fruit later as well. I decided to also throw in a few almonds and ate until I was full (maybe a cup or so of nuts total).

Late snack (4pm)
Feeling pretty hungry. I have my workout class tonight and will not eat dinner until late so I give in and decide to have my protein bar. In the future, I will have to pack a "second lunch" on my late workout days I think.

Later snack (5:15pm)
Ugh. My tummy feels icky again and I am still mildly hungry. I decide on a fruit and nut granola bar as a last minute snack before I leave for the gym (workout at 6:30). I also have another cup of green tea, hoping for an afternoon perk.

Dinner (7:30ish)
Chicken with parmesan noodles and applesauce. I would have also like a green vegetable but I didn't cook! It was a satisfying dinner and I even had seconds! I try to start with small portions and then get extra if I am still hungry to avoid wasting or feeling like I need to eat everything I have on my plate. I wanted some dessert later but just didn't have the opportunity. I didn't feel overly hungry so I was okay with it.

I struggled a little bit with not feeling guilty about eating too much but overall was happy with my choices for the day.

Journal Entry: No plan

Well, that didn't last long.

Obviously, last week was totally disorganized. We had takeout for most meals and there was no scheduled eating times. I had no interest in following my meal plan and I continue to have no interest in restarting it at this point. I have not been eating intuitively at all but am being gentle with myself in understanding the reasons. Some days, you just do the best you can. My self care has suffered in my attempt to care for everyone else and I am trying to get back to taking care of me. I always say, you can't take care of anyone else if you're not caring for yourself. In this vein, I skipped the gym on Monday, instead choosing to have a leisurely trip to Target and a semi-quiet evening.

I have been trying to eat what I want, when I want without much thought. This worked for the most part, beyond some expected comfort eating. Today I am going to continue being gentle with myself but will keep track and see how it goes.

Breakfast (9:30)
Wheat english muffin with creamy peanut butter. This is a "plan" breakfast and was easy to throw together. I also had about half an apple because I was still hungry and thought I should have some fruit. Sadly, the "shoulding" made the apple less enjoyable. I also had a cup of black tea with cream and sugar.

Morning snack (11:20)
God, this "plan" crap has really messed with me. I am trying really hard not to think about what the plan calls for and just what sounds good. I decide on my whipped lime yogurt. Good although a little sugary. I have mixed feeling on yogurt. I also decide to have a few almonds. I have one and start feeling depressed. This is such a "diet" snack I can't stand it. I actually throw away the last 1/4 of yogurt.

Lunch (12:30)
Leftover baked ziti. Yummy!

Afternoon (2pm)
On impulse I grabbed a heath bar while running errands. Yummy! I also ate a handful of chocolate covered pretzels (a planned purchase).
(4pm) Finished bag of pretzels, primarily out of emotional response. Feeling guilty but trying to again be gentle with myself and understand that the overwhelming emotions I'm experiencing can't easily be dealt with at work.

The rest of the day kind of spiraled downward. I felt like I binged on sweets and didn't take care of myself. I was really surprised I didn't end up with a stomach ache! I think I struggle with feelings of scarcity but when sweets are around, I want to eat them all so they are gone. Rational. I may try my loose "planning" again because I felt physically well when doing it and my trainer reinforces to me that my nutrition will affect my workouts. Considering I really struggled with this evening's workout, I am apt to believe him. I have not disclosed my ED history with him and am not sure if I will or want to. It probably depends on how much he pushes the issue. May be something to process..

Journal Entry: Official "Meal Plan"

I got my "MP" ("meal plan") from my trainer. While he wants me to follow it to the letter, well, he can bite me. I am doing a loose version of it (see: fast food dinner last night) and going to see how I feel. Here goes! Please note that I will continue to note post the specific guidelines of it but just the idea of what it suggests, what I actually eat, and the outcome. I am also going to post times since it's a different eating routine.

Breakfast (9:45am)
Recommended includes whole wheat English muffin, fruit, and almond milk (blergh. I hate almond milk). I actually ate the English muffin with peanut butter and half a sliced banana with a cup of tea with cream and sugar.

Morning snack (11:15am)
This is kind of a new one for me. I usually would just eat lunch but a morning snack is called for. Recommended is almonds, yogurt, and peanut butter. I have Greek yogurt with caramel in it and the almonds. I am not a big fan of almonds but am trying to be a good sport about the whole thing. IE would tell me not to eat things I don't like. We'll see. My yogurt is also smaller than what's recommended but I figure the higher protein + topping may even out. I am also missing the PB. I did not really enjoy this snack, primarily because of the almonds. I think they are one of those "diet trigger foods" for me.

12:30pm
Feeling undercaffeinated, I ran out to Starbucks for a vanilla latte. I wanted to stop on the way in but didn't, thinking I "shouldn't". Also, I didn't get what I really wanted, which was a mocha. Not terribly enjoying the latte now. Hm. Way to NOT listen!

Lunch (1:45pm)
Hmm, I am beginning to feel anxious as the day wears on. The idea of eating prescribed items is stressing me out and I am feeling resentful. I think really, it can be good to try and figure out what to eat that keeps me full and energized but I may be sabotaging my own mental health by even remotely trying to follow a "plan". Recommended lunch is a turkey sandwich, cottage cheese, and an orange. I have everything but grapefruit instead of an orange. I have been craving grapefruit even though I never eat it! 1 point for IE. This was a satisfying, filling lunch, although I think my grapefruit craving may now be over (little too bitter for my taste).

Snack (4:30pm)
Protein bar. Not my favorite food but gets the job done in the extra protein department. I also decided to have a few dried apricots (not on the "plan") and then felt satisfied.

Dinner (8:30)
Recommended is chicken and veggies, which by chance was what was planned. Perfect dinner!

Snack
Had a leftover frosty with brownie bits. Obviously not on "plan" but yummy nonetheless.

I never had a hungry moment when it wasn't mealtime and felt good after every meal. I will try and continue this eating pattern and see how it goes. Will keep you updated!

Journal Entry: New "Meal Plan"

My trainer gave me my new "meal plan". I put it in quotations because that's how I like to think of it. I will NOT be following it to the letter and I will not be considering it a diet. I will not be posting the details of it here either but thought I'd do a journal entry based on my first day winging it (I need to grocery shop and don't have a lot of the recommended foods).

Breakfast
Recommended as one possible breakfast was a high-fiber cereal and skim milk. I am mildly lactose intolerant so I don't drink milk and, even if I did, skim milk is loathsome. I only had Cinnamon Toast Crunch on hand so I had a smallish bowl of that with plain soy milk and a cup of unsweetened green tea. I wasn't really that hungry for breakfast because I woke up with a hormonal migraine. I also had about 1/4 can of Pepsi to help with the migraine (regular soda does wonders). As you can imagine, soda is outlawed on the "meal plan". I will try to avoid it just due to the extra sugar but will drink it as I feel led.

Midmorning snack
I didn't have this.

Lunch
PB&J sandwich on wheat bread with a side of broccoli with salsa on it. I also had a small cup of soy milk for "dessert" as milk was recommended at lunch. This was actually a really good lunch and I felt full after. The milk was a nice ending since it was a little sweet.

Snack
Protein bar or shake is recommended. I had a protein shake. Blergh. I need to get some bars I think.

Dinner
Salad with chicken and assorted veggies, raspberry vinagrette dressing. This was really enjoyable. I also had an apple cinnamon muffin on the side with some butter (not on "MP", oh no!) for some carbs because I despise the recommended brown rice. Sue me.

An evening snack is recommended (actually lists a few cookies or something). I may have one later if I'm hungry. Currently enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea and relaxing while the baby naps. I am looking forward to eating more fresh items as recommended and less processed sweets that leave me hungry afterwards. I am hoping to blend the "MP" with intuitive eating and find a happy, healthy medium for myself. My husband and MIL are keeping a close eye on me to make sure I don't become obsessive or restrictive as they will pull the plug immediately. I'll keep you updated on my progress and adjustments!

Journal Entry

Breakfast
9:30am
Pre-prepared overnight oatmeal. I eat it because it's there, not especially enjoying it. I eat about 3/4 and throw the rest away.
I also stopped on the way to work and got a small mocha because I was really craving it. However, it's now 10:30 and I've barely touched it. I think it may be too sugary. I am going to make myself a cup of tea instead. I decide on a cup of unsweetened orange black tea.

As aside: I just finished writing my previous post. Starting this one, I already feel like I am trying to take better care of myself.

Lunch
11:55am
Leftover pot roast with roasted potatoes, carrots, mushrooms, and onions. Yummm. I left one chunk of beef and a few potatoes, may make a good afternoon snack!
12:15pm
Now craving something sweet to finish my meal. Instead of judging my choice, I decide on the first item that pops into my head: some peanut butter M&Ms I purchased with my mocha this morning.
Huh, I ate two and then realized I was good. It would be easy to keep eating them since they are delicious but I decide to save them for later!

Afternoon snacking
1pm
Reading a book leisurely during a slow point at work. Decide to open the bag of Skittles I also bought, along with my soda (which I drink about half of). Obviously I bought all these sweets during a more frantic moment. I am going to continue to objectively observe myself and not judge my food choices today.
Tangential rant: I find it extremely annoying and somewhat stressful that so many foods now list the calorie content right on the front. I don't want or need to know the calorie content of my snack, thank you.
I ate about half the bag and then put it away, satisfied.

2:15pm
Apparently in a sweet, snacky mood, I go back to my M&Ms and finish the bag. Trying very hard not to feel bad and just enjoy them.

4:15pm
Finishing the last bit of my lunch, along with a snack bag of mini-brownies. I have my workout class tonight so I try and make sure I am not hungry before I leave for the day, especially since I won't eat dinner until late. Unfortunately, my little mini second-lunch left much to be desired since it was only a few bites. I decide on a protein bar since I'm having major protein cravings. I am hoping my workout instructor can give me some good tips on high-protein snacks for my long afternoons.

Dinner
9pm
Fast food salad with chicken. Needed something quick and easy. Not great but not bad either.

Journal Entry: lower sugar/simple carbs

Here's my first day of eating less processed sugar and simple carbs.

Breakfast
Tea with cream and a touch of sugar. I have recently discovered this vs. my straight black tea. I love it and it feels so indulgent!
2 hard boiled eggs with salsa and salt. This was an odd one for me. I enjoyed it but am really used to a carb-heavy breakfast. I felt pretty good after eating it though and it kept me full for about 2 hours (my average)

Morning snack
Cheese stick and apple. This is an average snack for me any day. Very enjoyable!

Lunch
Lunch was sad. I had some leftover cubesteak and corn planned but for some reason it tasted funny (like the container maybe?) I had about 3 bites and threw it out.

Snack
Another cup of tea for an afternoon perk
Obviously, I am still pretty hungry. I had a pack of wheat crackers with cheese which weren't great. I also had a Cutie orange which was awesome. I am still a little hungry but want to wait a little while to see how I feel.

Later snack
I work later in the evening so get fairly hungry around 4-5. Decide on some trail mix (my last snack left anyway!).

Dinner
Chicken and potatoes. Fairly basic as usual!

Journal Entry and Sweet Challenge Update

First, the update!

As much as the disordered part of my mind wants to continue, I am putting a stop to the Sweets Challenge. It is an exercise in restriction for me and I have found myself going down a bad path. I admitted to myself that I really was doing the "challenge" in an effort to cut out "bad" foods and hopefully lose some weight.

Fail.

So, going forward, my plan is to put less emphasis on exactly what I am eating and try to be more laid back about my choices. My journal entries will be a little less structured to help relax my obsessive tendencies. Let me know any thoughts on the change in structure.

Breakfast
Overnight oatmeal w/peanut butter
Pepsi

Snack
Fruit and nut granola bar
Still drinking my Pepsi. I love to sip on drinks throughout the day.

Lunch
Leftover breaded chicken thighs with cheese ravioli and spaghetti sauce. Yum!
Oh, and the Pepsi is still in action. :)  I also have been drinking water. I have always been a big drinker. Not like that!

Snack
Anniversary party at work. I had a piece of cake and a snack-size bag of chips. Ehh. This is one of those moments where you eat the food that is there but I really wasn't into it. Ironic, since cake is one of my favorite things.*

Second Snack (this reminded me of the Hobbits in LOTR)
Trail mix. Obviously cake and chips are not the most filling snack.

Late afternoon snack
It's about 5pm and I won't eat dinner for at least 2-3 more hours. I try not to snack mindlessly at work but grab a cheese stick to tide over the creeping hunger until I can have dinner.**

Dinner
Kielbasa, baked beans and seasoned steak fries. Dinner is probably my least favorite meal because it's a chaotic time of day and I'm tired. I have taken to eating fairly small servings and sometimes have an evening snack. This evening, I wasn't hungry and this was my last food of the day!

*I almost wrote, "Cake is one of my weaknesses." But that is an absurd statement. Cake is not part of me. It does not make me weak.
**I feel like I just made a bunch of excuses for my need to eat a CHEESE STICK. Really? Really?

Journal Entry: Sweets Challenge Day 3

9:30am
Arrive at work. Have my premade overnight oatmeal ready to go and my requisite cup of tea. Ahhh. I eat about 3/4 of the oatmeal and am fully, will enjoy my tea throughout the morning.

11:00am
Hungry again, decide to finish oatmeal!

12:15pm
Hungry for lunch. Have some more leftover pasta from earlier in the week.

12:35pm
Having strong sweets cravings. As an experiment, I have one piece of chocolate to see if that satisfies me. (Normally, one is not enough and the cravings become worse). Also open my diet soda for the day for a little pick-me-up.

12:37pm
Rats. One piece is definitely not enough. Going to try some distraction because I am really not hungry at the moment.

I would just like to point out that I have noticed at least 3 candy jars between me and the bathroom. Not that I was counting.

2:15pm
Getting hungry, know I will be heading to the gym soon. Rats, I just remembered I ate a granola bar recently, don't remember when. Please note that my dear 7 month old got up about every 2-3 hours all night last night. I think fatigue is definitely making my sugar cravings and hunger in general much worse. I have caved and gotten 2 more pieces of chocolate in the hopes of a littl energy boost/increased gym motivation.

2:40pm
Decide I am just too tired to make it to the gym so I decide on a walk outside since the weather is nice. I think this was a good effort in what I like to call "intuitive exercising". It appears I made the right choice because I returned feeling invigorated and refreshed.

4:00pm
Back from my walk and very hungry. Wanting something carby as usual for an afternoon snack. Because I'm an idiot, I don't have any of these snacks available to myself.* Off to the vending machines I go. I initially decide on a cinnamon danish thing but then notice the premade sandwiches. These scare me a little but I've never heard any incidents at work so decide on a chicken salad sandwich. I feel totally satisfied after I eat it!

*As I have mentioned before, I tend towards restriction. I am starting to think this whole "sweets challenge" was really a masked attempt at restriction/diet behavior. I keep my snacks at work to a minimum, almost in an attempt not to eat too much, and then end up hungry. It's a weird cycle. The struggle is still my huge fear of weight gain/lack of weight loss and how to make peace with food, body image, and probably irrational fear.

Journal Entry: Sweets Challenge Day 2

Night before
I have no idea what I want for breakfast. Nothing is striking my fancy and I am feeling too lazy to make my overnight oatmeal. I'll decide in the morning.

8:45am
Getting ready to leave. Still no thoughts on breakfast. Grab a packet of plain instant oatmeal and a banana.

9:30am
Arrive at work. Breakfast time! Make a cup of tea. Decide on the oatmeal with a sprinkle of sugar (it's plain oatmeal, remember?) and throw in a few peanuts for protein.
Bleh. I forget how nasty instant oatmeal like this is. I eat it all but am not satisfied. I grab my daily granola bar and eat about 2/3 of it and then feel satisfied.

11:10am
Feeling a tad hungry, finish my granola bar.

11:30am
Took brisk outdoor walk! Brrr!

12:15pm
Lunchtime! I am discovering that being more descriptive about my food makes it more interesting and appealing. For example, "a turkey sandwich" sounds blah and reminds me of diet food. A "smoked turkey sandwich on thick honey wheat with a touch of Miracle Whip" sounds much more appetizing. I enjoyed my sandwich along with a Pink Lady apple. My caffeine need started to kick in so off I went to my diet soda!

1:20pm
Feeling extra hungry today for some reason. May be the additional activity. I also think I still need to work on making heartier lunches. These moments are tough because I don't want any of my snacks left for the day and would tend to veer towards candy.

1:45pm
After hemming and hawing for quite a while, I have the overwhelming desire for a salad. Random, I know. The closest place near work is Wendy's so I hopped in my car and grabbed one of their half-size salads, perfect!

2:20pm
Emotional family conversation. My immediate thought was that I wanted a snack, especially candy. Trying to be aware of the emotions and my reaction. Will try and sit with them as long as I can. Back to reading my book and getting some work done.

3:30pm
Realize I am actually hungry again. Decide to grab a bag of chips from the vending machine, as I am wanting something carby but only have fruit, trail mix, or cheese left! Again, a reminder to pack less meager lunches.

4:10pm
Unfortunately, emotions won out today. I ended up getting a few pieces of chocolate available in our community stash. I feel like I would have continued to eat other snacks had I not chosen to do this and decided that enough time had passed that I hadn't immediately reacted. I still feel like this was a bit of a failure in my sweets challenge but I hope to pick myself back up and continue forward.
On a side note, chips are not a filling snack! May munch on some trail mix until the end of the day.

7:30pm
Dinner. Chicken thighs with BBQ sauce and mashed potatoes. Not terribly exciting but I ate it.

10:00pm
Throughout the evening I have been wanting something sweet but was so busy the opportunity never arose. I also ended up with terrible reflux from dinner so it was Tums for dessert.

The afternoon emotions really wore me out. I think it would have been so easy to grab some candy or sweets and numb out my anxiety and upset but I sat with my feelings and let them ride. I also think it was crucial for me to recognize what was happening instead of mindlessly reacting. Emotions can be really uncomfortable but it can be important to feel them and give them your attention. I did end up "giving in" and felt pretty guilty about it but I was able to acknowledge what I was doing and not go overboard. Day 3, here we come!

Journal Entry: Sweets Challenge

9:30am
Arrive at work. Decide on a caffeinated orange spiced tea (yum!). I have some overnight oatmeal* packed. I eat about half the oatmeal over the next hour and decide I'm full, so put it away for later. I also sip on water throughout the morning.

10:30am
Write previous blog post. Realize I have packed 3 mini candy bars in my lunch. I go put them in the community candy jar for others to enjoy.

11:50am
Hungry for lunch. Have some leftover pasta with meat sauce packed. Eat all of it and feel full. This is the first time of day I am usually having sugar cravings; ate something savory, now wanting something sweet. To counter this, I am going to try a cup of peppermint chamomile tea. Mmm.

1:10pm
Getting sleeeepy and very hungry. Tried to wait since it hasn't been long since lunch. Perhaps I need larger lunches? Hmm. Open a diet soda and granola bar. It's technically a peanut butter/dark chocolate one but I don't really count granola bars in the "sweets" category.

1:20pm
Still a little hungry although a bit perkier! Decide to have some mixed nuts as I'm feeling the need for some protein. Definitely need to work on higher protein lunches as I always feel much fuller. Discover I do not like Brazil nuts. Bleh.

3:30pm
Back from short gym workout. Decide to finish my oatmeal from breakfast!

4:05pm
The dreaded boredom. 2 hours left in my work day. Getting the munchies. Not hungry so will try and sip my soda or leftover tea and distract myself.

5:05pm
Actually hungry. Rats. This time of day, I usually crave sweet, carby foods (sweets, perhaps?!) I decide on trail mix (non-candy kind), a good mix of sweet, salty, and protein!

7:30pm
Dinner time. Stew with a flaky buttered biscuit. Dinner isn't usually a big deal for me; usually not terribly hungry and a really busy time of day.

10:00pm
Hungry. Got baby down. Typically a sweet snack time of day. I struggled trying to find something that sounded good but wasn't a "dessert" item. Tried to tune into my cravings. Glass of milk, check. Biscuit, check. Slice of salami, check. Sounds random but hit the spot and I wasn't hungry anymore!

Overall, today seemed fairly easy. I will continue this challenge day by day and put some more journal entries up. I find they help me really stop and think about my choices since I'll be documenting them.


*Overnight oatmeal is a recipe I have found online in various incarnations. Basically, you take oatmeal, some kind of milk, and any kind of fixings (I use banana and a nut butter). You mix them together and put it in the fridge overnight. In the morning, the oatmeal has absorbed the milk and is ready to eat.

IE fears

In psychology, there is a term called "all or nothing thinking". It is pretty much what it sounds like; something happens all the time or never.

In IE, this can be a fear in the sense of being afraid you will do something all the time:

If I let myself eat whatever I want, I will want sweets all the time.
If I practice IE, I will never lose weight again.

The first fear definitely applies to me. Because I have such a sweet tooth, I am afraid I'll never not want cake/ice cream/candies/etc. So, I decided to really see if this was the case by watching my journal while trying really hard to be mindful and eat intuitively. Here's what I ate yesterday:

coffee with milk and sugar
(no breakfast because I got up late)
taquitos with sour cream and salsa
1 square of peppermint chocolate
roll with peanut butter and honey butter
1 Pepsi
2 bratwurst, steak fries, and baked beans
cup of eggnog with whiskey

So.

It appears I had chocolate once and then you could potentially count eggnog as a sweet. But I ate a lot of other things. I am, in fact, not eating sweets all the time.

Sounds kind of silly now, huh?

Journal Entry

It's been a while! Journal Entry time!

One comment I will make is that because I eat most of my meals at work, I have to pack my breakfast, lunch and snacks the night before. I do my best to think of what sounds good but this is obviously a limitation in my IE. Flexibility is definitely key and, for me, eating when I'm hungry becomes most important at work (as opposed to when I'm bored, tired, or stressed).

8:45am On the way to work, hungry! Obviously, I'm in the car so have to wait until I get to work.

9:30am Arrive at work. No longer very hungry. My tummy feels a little off so I decide on a cup of hot, black tea. Mmmmm.

10:00am Finally feeling hungry. I packed a sandwich of leftover steak on wheat bread with a little barbecue sauce. Score one for remembering protein for my morning meal! I eat this leisurely and enjoy it.

11:50am Feeling hungry again but don't necessarily want lunch. This is weird because, well, it's lunchtime. I fight the urge to eat my lunch and try to figure out what sounds good. An apple! I have a little Gala apple and it's tart and sweet and crunchy. That with some water hits the spot.

12:00pm I ate about 2/3 of the apple and was just "over it". I decided to wrap it up and maybe save it for later.

1:00pm Lunchtime! Very hungry now. Have Top Ramen packed for lunch. Not the "healthiest" choice but very yummy and I love a warm lunch. I also have a side of thawed frozen broccoli; I love it cold and with lots of salt.

1:20pm Ahh, feel full and satisfied after eating all of my lunch. After most savory meals, I want a little something sweet. Also wanting a little pick me up, I decide on a small cup a Pepsi with lots of ice. I love my soda extra cold.

1:55pm Hmm. Had two sips of my soda. I have been drinking it regularly for years, diet and regular. I really tried to focus on the flavor and found, well, ehhh. Also, I found myself developing an intense sugar craving. I decide to set it down and drink some water and relax for a few minutes, especially since I am definitely not hungry right now.

2:30pm Exercise time! Thought I would put this in here since I think it is definitely part of IE and HAES. I was undecided about what kind of workout I wanted to do. Normally, I would pick a run (cardio burns calories) or weights (tone that flab!). Instead, I decided to really think about what sounded like it would feel good. I decided on a hill walking workout on the treadmill followed by some situps (to strengthen my abs since they are a mess after pregnancy!). It was great and I left feeling refreshed.

3:30pm Back to work, hungry and thirsty! Water please! I go ahead and refill my water because I can get lazy about getting up to refill (the break room is way down the hall) and then get dehydrated. I do think the ramen gave me a little indigestion, blehh. I am wanting some carbs for energy after the workout, will start with my chocolate mint granola bar (one of those weenie granola bars) and see if I'm still hungry after that.

4:10pm Still hungry. I am vaguely bored and tired but definitely have "empty stomach" feeling so decide to finish my apple.

7:00pm Arrive home after a particularly stressful afternoon. I make a beeline for the liquor cabinet with the plan of making a rather large cocktail. Okay, IE or not? I think we could argue either side but I sure felt better afterwards. :) I also had a small serving of ravioli for dinner. I am typically not terribly hungry at dinner and enjoy a later evening snack.

8:30pm Hungry! At this time in the evening, the baby is usually down (at least for a bit) and I like to have a little treat to end the day and curb my hunger. Mmm, leftover key lime pie. I really enjoy a sweet treat in the evenings and do struggle with some guilt about it. I am always hungry when I eat it and when I have tried to veer to another kind of food at this time, I find myself very unsatisfied. Yay for IE and food satisfaction!

Journal Entry

I think it's high time for another journal entry!

8:30am Woke up with hip pain, take Motrin. I have to eat something carby to avoid nausea with Motrin. I am not really hungry but decide on a flaky biscuit with a little grape jelly. Yummy! Unfortunately, this drives up my blood sugar a little high; I have discovered I do better with more protein than carb in the morning.

9:30am Definitely feeling the need for protein, decide to stop at my neighborhood Bojangle's for some chicken strips. I also decide to get a soda. I had "sworn them off" again but decide to break that habit and get a Dr. Pepper. When I get to work, I devour the majority of the strips. It came with a yummy biscuit and I eat about half of that. I get full and leave half a biscuit and one chicken strip.

11:30am Feeling a little hungry. Finish my breakfast foods. Wanting a little sweetness, grab a snack pack M&Ms (there is always candy around the office). Fight some feelings of guilt about the candy but try to consciously enjoy their chocolaty goodness.

1:30-2:00pm Getting hungrier for lunch. Have had kind of a grazing day. Workday much busier so eating bits of lunch as able (chicken, broccoli, brown rice). Eat about 1/4 of it at this time.

4:00pm Post workout, definitely hungry. I have a protein shake planned. Bleh. It's sweet and I don't want to waste it so I'll drink that and go from there. Although I did grab another snack size candy on the way down the hall as a backup. :)

4:15pm I finish about 3/4 of the shake and throw the rest away. I bought the protein powder during my "relapse" and it's just depressing me to drink. I complete my snack with a snack size box of Milk Duds. Nom nom.

7:00pm Hungry for dinner. Egg salad sandwiches and chips planned. Eat 1 sandwich, a handful of chips, then off to baby duty.

I had a sweet craving later but baby duty called. I wasn't really hungry anyway so no dessert tonight.

Journal Entry

I think it's time for another Intuitive Eating Journal entry!

9:00am
SO tired. The tiny one kept me up most of the night with tummy troubles. I think I managed about 5 hrs. NEED COFFEE. I need gas anyway so I run in for a cup since gas stations always have good coffee. I like mine light, tried the vanilla creamer, not bad. As usual, I'll nurse this throughout the day, or at least morning.
I also suddenly became ravenous and craving protein. I had a carb-heavy dinner so I think that may be why. I knew I only had yogurt in my bag for breakfast so I decide to grab an egg and cheese biscuit on the way to work. I devoured it on my commute. Nom nom nom.

11:35am
Starting to get hungry. On a conference call at work but start mentally planning my lunch. I have a bratwurst and hot dog bun as my "entree", will eat that and then see what else I want once call is over, hopefully any minute!

12:00pm
Finished 3/4 of my bratwurst and then decided I was done with it so threw away the rest. Feeling full for the moment, may have a snack in a short while.

2:00pm
Feeling hungry but also have a bit of a tummyache. I think it was from the coffee, ugh. I like it but it and the creamer don't always like me. Bleh. Will sip on a soda and eat a cheese stick for now since I'm wanting something a little salty.

2:20pm
Feeling better but still a little hungry. Tried a Gala apple. Ate a few bites, found it mealy and just not tasty. I have discovered I am fairly picky about apples. Oh well. I feel like I have wasted a lot of food today but I guess that's better than eating food I don't enjoy.

2:40pm
Still hungry (a cheese stick and few bites of apple do not a snack make, especially since I had a small lunch). Still wanting salty, popcorn it is! A perfect soda accompaniment.

3:30pm
Ate about 2/3 of bag, don't want anymore popcorn but craving something sweet. I notice this when I eat popcorn, maybe it's too salty? I eat a snack-sized bag of dried cranberries. I feel a little guilty because I feel like this is more of a sweet tooth thing than a hunger thing but I do really enjoy them. Maybe I will stay away from popcorn for a while. I finish about 2/3 of my soda and feel satisfied for several hours.

8:00pm
HUNGRY. Our dinners get delayed nowadays due to the baby. We decided on just a quick frozen pizza. I was craving some veggies so I also made some frozen broccoli and added some salsa. I had 2 pieces of pizza and about half the broccoli and felt satisfied. YUM.

9:00pm
Wanting something sweet, as usual. Feeling a little peckish, I decided on a small bowl of chocolate ice cream. The husband actually had some Ben and Jerry's that I sample and decided it is SO much better. I think it may be important, particularly with sweets, to choose quality over quantity and really savor the experience.

Daily Journal

I thought I would try out a daily eating/exercise journal to see how it goes!

6:00am
Wake up to exercise. A little sleepy but know the exercise is important to my mental health for the day!
Decide to do a stretching video since I did a strength training workout yesterday.

6:15am
The baby awakens! Workout cut short but feel good that I did a little something.

6:45am
Baby back to sleep but time to get ready for work!

7:30am
Hungry. Was going to wait and eat at work but hungry now!
Small bowl of raisin bran with whole milk, glass of water.
I don't drink lowfat milk. I like whole milk and lowfat milk is kind of triggering for me.
Feel satisfied but not full, figure I will have a snack later in the morning.

9:00am
Stop to get gas on way to work (after dropping off the baby). Feeling a little hungry, craving something sweet and carby. A muffin, perhaps? Go into the station store and peruse, decide on a cream-filled donut. I LOVE these and get them very rarely (can never find them!). 99 cents, I'm feeling good!

9:30am
Finally to work! Traffic was terrible this morning. Run to get my morning coffee. Wishing I had real creamer instead of powdered but will make do with what is available (add real creamer to grocery list). Coffee is really strong but will drink it for the caffeine boost! I munch on the donut over the next hour, as I usually am very busy right when I get to work.

10:30am
Finished with donut, only a quarter through the coffee. Going to heat it up and add more creamer, just too bitter! Not feeling satisfied from the donut but will drink some water and continue to sip on my coffee and then see if I'm still hungry! I am notorious for feeling hungry when I'm really tired or thirsty.

11ish-1ish
Running errands, literally! I actually worked up a bit of a sweat on my extra-long lunch break.

1:15pm
Lunchtime, finally! This is a little late for me so I was famished by the time I sat down to eat. Sadly, I eat at my desk but this is the main option I have these days. Lunch was a turkey cutlet and a bit of mashed potatoes and corn. I tried not to wolf it down but was still hungry afterwards and craving something sweet, so I had an applesauce. I didn't feel full but thought I'd wait and relax a bit/get some work done to assess whether I was still hungry or not. Also, I always drink water with lunch because I find anything else (soda, for example) gives me a false sense of fullness.

2:05pm
Feeling fuller and mostly satisfied, toying with the idea of an afternoon snack. Continuing to sip on my coffee and enjoy a little down time while waiting for phone calls. (I drink 1 mug of coffee over the course of the day.)

4:15pm
Busy spell at work over, starting to feel hungry. One problem I regularly experience (like today) is not wanting the snacks I have. There is a vending machine here but that gets expensive so I try to pack a good variety of snacks to broaden my options. Today, raisins are sounding good so starting with that!

5:35pm
Hungry again. Obviously, raisins aren't the most filling snack. Leaving work in 25 minutes so going to wait and have dinner when I get home.

6:30pm
Planning caesar salad, pasta salad, and leftover turkey cutlets. I eat my caesar salad but then the baby wakes up!

7:00pm
Baby playing on her own but I realize I'm no longer hungry. I put the rest of my dinner away.

8:30pm
Hungry again. Really wanting ice cream but feel like I should eat some "real" food first. I think I had this idea that I would eat too much ice cream or not be full if I ate only ice cream. I had a small bowl of pasta salad and then a bowl of ice cream.

9:30pm
Rats, still hungry. I guess that's what happens when you don't finish your dinner! I eat a granola bar and finally feel satisfied.

I think the thing I have to be careful of is not questioning my hunger too much, as I'll tend to restrict. Then, I obviously end up hungrier later. I also have a strong emotional attachment to sweets so I try to restrict them as well. Not sure how this really makes sense....well, I think it's leftover diet mentality. For me, when food becomes too important, I have this irrational fear that there won't be enough and I want to overeat.

I also want to focus more on enjoying my food. In reality, this is a challenge since I eat a lot of my meals at work and have an infant at home to care for. I will still do the best I can in each moment.