Monday, July 9, 2012

A little perspective

This weekend, while working to spring clean a little in anticipation of our big move (did I tell you we are buying a house?!), I found an old photo album I didn't recognize. It turned out to be pictures from my college graduation and early graduate school, about 8-9 years ago.

At first, I was amused by my painfully blonde hair (I'm naturally a medium brown. My dear husband says I should never have blonde hair again). But then, I was deeply saddened. I thought to myself, wow, I look skinny. Graduate school was probably the darkest period of my life, diet-wise. My eating disorder was at its worst and I thought I was so fat. I got down to my lowest weight by my grad school graduation and my body was really sick.

I am now about 25 lbs heavier than then. I sat there thinking, if I thought I was fat then, what hope is there for me now? But then, I thought, no. I am tired. Tired of "feeling fat," tired of abusing my body and not appreciating it. Tired of wasting time. Enough is enough!

It's funny how a picture has so much power and reminds me of so much pain. I look at newer pictures, me with my baby girl, and I look happy. And thinner than my mind tells me I am. Pictures really so speak a thousand words.

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