Monday, April 30, 2012

Perspective Shift: Appreciation

I gave birth to my (so far!) healthy daughter last June. Around November, I started to experience some hip pain. I figured it was normal, hips readjusting after childbirth and all. It's really amazing what happens to your body during and after pregnancy!

However, the pain started to cycle with my period. And got worse. I am not good at going to the doctor so I kept putting it off. I halfheartedly tried chiropractic and massage but this had little effect. Last month, I finally went to my OB. He tried a few things and made a few outside referrals (orthopedist), but now I am down to a rule-out of endometriosis. I am scheduled to have a laparoscopic procedure in a few weeks to confirm the diagnosis.

This isn't necessarily a really serious diagnosis but it terrifies me. I know it can affect fertility and just make life miserable. My mom has it and she could only have one child. It's funny how a lot of the other "stuff" kind of falls away when your physical health is affected. Your body can do some really amazing things but is also very vulnerable. I could easily be resentful and treat it like the enemy but it's the only one I have.  I am going to try and be more appreciative of it and respectful of it, regardless of the test's outcome.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Food Valuation, and a rant.

The other day, I caught myself thinking it would be better to eat more fruit before eating a "less healthy" snack. I immediately put away the fruit and pulled out the snack I wanted. It's disappointing to me that I still catch myself valuing food in this manner. I guess it's a good sign I am recognizing it and will be a work in progress.

This next section is kind of a personal rant. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, just my perspective.

There are a lot of food blogs out there. A lot of them focus on "healthy eating". You will also notice that a lot of these blogs are written by folks who self-disclose a history of disordered eating. They also may talk about being vegan, vegetarian, or whatnot. While I have no problem with any of this in theory, if you look closely you will notice a lot of diet talk hidden within the recipes and pretty meal pictures. White sugar gets demonized and oils are eliminated as much as possible. Strenuous workouts are also reported.

I used to enjoy some of these blogs but the more I read them, the more triggering I found them. I think it's really irresponsible to tout "healthy eating" or whatever but then intermix diet or fat talk and calorie counts, etc. I know these blogs aren't set up to be therapeutic or claim to be user-friendly and aren't intended to be negative but it frustrates me when the writers disclose their disordered histories and are still encouraging calorie cutting or food substitutions. It just seems misleading.

End of rant. :)

Change through staying the same

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor for some hip pain I've been having. The nurse asked me if I knew my weight. I proudly said, "I have no idea." In all honesty, I have been thinking that I have gained weight recently just by the way my clothes have been fitting. I have been trying to be okay with it.

Well, off to the scale we went. I decided to look because, well, I was curious and thought it would be a good reality check.

Was it ever.

My weight is exactly the same as it was 11 months ago.

I was mildly dumbfounded. Could it really be in my head? Am I really not heavier/fatter/bigger/whatever? Talk about a reality check.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Health at Every Size

First, a side note: Please forgive any intermittent posting in the near future. I have a lot of irons in the fire in my life and am trying to keep up with everything! Unfortunately, blogging takes a back burner on many days.

Health at Every Size

I have had somewhat of a revelation.

I am stronger now than I was when I was thinner.

Monday night,  I did a total of 30 standard pushups. Never in my life have I been able to do "man pushups", as I like to call them. I have always had little weakling bird arms and, when I was thinner, I focused on cardio and thinness rather than strength or endurance. I am now 30 lbs heavier and significantly stronger and with better cardio endurance than I ever had before.


It has put me in a little bit of a weird place. I still have my moments of hating my bigger body and wanting to be thinner, but then I have this wonder about the strength of my new body. I am trying to cultivate this into a greater appreciation and love for my curvier frame, but it is a process.

Tonight, I'm gonna do 31 pushups.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Enjoying Working Out

Exercise, body movement, workouts, whatever you want to call it. I always hated the word "exercise". Probably because it always followed "diet".

I have really been enjoying working out lately. Part of this can be attributed to working out with my dear husband; my last two workout classes have been cancelled. It's a great way to spend time together as a couple and I am really enjoying the workouts. My husband used to be in the military so he knows how to get in a good workout!

After the workout, I felt really good. I even felt I was eating more intuitively instead of being anxious about my food choices. I think this is an important insight and a good way to check in if I do start feeling anxious or insecure (when was my last workout?). Even just a few times a week makes a big difference in my mental health.

What activities make you feel good, physically and mentally?