Thursday, March 21, 2013

Emotional Tolerance

My emotional eating has been out of control in the last few weeks.

I have been very anxious about work changes for me and my husband, and the unknowns that go along with that. I have also been very sleep deprived from my dear daughter not sleeping well, and my seasonal allergies have been wreaking havoc. All in all, I've felt pretty pathetic and like a bottomless pit for food. I actually ended up with a stomachache last night from eating too many sweets. I think that was the wake up call.

This is not my first time on this carousel. Around and around we go! I know that eating my feelings does not work. The feeling is still there and a healthy dose of guilt is added in.

But why can't I tolerate my own feelings? Why are they so scary and unbearable?

As a child, I was not allowed to be overly emotional. Causing any kind of a scene was severely frowned upon. I needed to "snap out of it" when I was depressed. As a teenager, I learned the comforting value of food and the "effectiveness" of dieting to drop extra weight.

Around and around we go.

As an adult, I now know that feelings are normal and okay, even the ones that seem more unpleasant. Eating when I'm not hungry doesn't feel good and doesn't make the feelings any less. It seems so simple to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full but it's amazing how daunting it seems.

I know I have gotten away from eating intuitively, instead just wanting to be mindless and not think about it and feel "normal". But I'm in recovery from an eating disorder. I may never be "normal" and I need to pay attention to my body and my emotions in order to take care of them both.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I'll be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness..

...she's Fergalicious!

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

I have been doing a decent amount of research lately on workouts. What is best for what goals, what's more effective, that kind of thing. I have had to be careful to avoid too much of the diet talk that abounds on many fitness sites (the diet advice is as varied as the fitness advice, just so you know). Here are a couple things I have learned in my internet sojourn:

  1. Setting goals can be good. I have found myself a little adrift in my workouts, totally unsure what to do or when and wondering if I'm even making any improvements in my health, strength, or endurance. I think having a goal to work toward can be useful to keep on track and also provide a sense of accomplishment. I totally think this is a double-edged sword so I think it's important to not put too much pressure on oneself.
  2. The most effective workout is......the one that you'll do. Cardio, weights, yoga, Pilates, HIIT, endurance, dance, whatever. If you like it and will do it, go for it. You don't even have to do the same thing regularly. I think joyful movement that gets your body going is what's important.
For me, exercise is a huge stress reliever. It keeps the ED demons at bay and makes me feel less guilty about what I eat. However, I do tend to overanalyze so it was helpful for me to understand that any exercise can be good and productive and that being consistent in my efforts is really what counts.