Thursday, March 21, 2013

Emotional Tolerance

My emotional eating has been out of control in the last few weeks.

I have been very anxious about work changes for me and my husband, and the unknowns that go along with that. I have also been very sleep deprived from my dear daughter not sleeping well, and my seasonal allergies have been wreaking havoc. All in all, I've felt pretty pathetic and like a bottomless pit for food. I actually ended up with a stomachache last night from eating too many sweets. I think that was the wake up call.

This is not my first time on this carousel. Around and around we go! I know that eating my feelings does not work. The feeling is still there and a healthy dose of guilt is added in.

But why can't I tolerate my own feelings? Why are they so scary and unbearable?

As a child, I was not allowed to be overly emotional. Causing any kind of a scene was severely frowned upon. I needed to "snap out of it" when I was depressed. As a teenager, I learned the comforting value of food and the "effectiveness" of dieting to drop extra weight.

Around and around we go.

As an adult, I now know that feelings are normal and okay, even the ones that seem more unpleasant. Eating when I'm not hungry doesn't feel good and doesn't make the feelings any less. It seems so simple to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full but it's amazing how daunting it seems.

I know I have gotten away from eating intuitively, instead just wanting to be mindless and not think about it and feel "normal". But I'm in recovery from an eating disorder. I may never be "normal" and I need to pay attention to my body and my emotions in order to take care of them both.

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