Wanting to lose weight. Losing sanity instead.

I may have said some of this before but it seems like it needs repeating for me.

I am actively trying to lose weight. (Shame!)

I am 5 months postpartum and about 10lbs heavier than my prepregnancy weight (I know, so not a big deal) and about 20-30lbs heavier than what I would like to be my ideal body weight. A lot of the weight remains in my belly area; this is where I typically carry any extra weight and is an area I am very insecure about. Rationally, I do understand this is not a lot of weight. That does not make it seem any less significant.

I just rejoined the gym at work (go, discount fitness! $30 for six months, woohoo) and am trying to plan out a workout routine. I think this is where it all started.

I started researching workouts. I wanted to find something to improve my functional strength and endurance. Unfortunately, I ended up getting linked to a bunch of web sites more focused on diet than exercise. I got drawn in to one site that strongly touts its eating plan, although it does have a pretty good looking workout regime. There are pages and pages of archives. It was all downhill from there.

While talking about working out, eating habits, etc to my husband and mother-in-law last night, he made a comment about me "being on one of [her] health kicks". This really struck a chord with me. While he didn't mean it in any kind of negative way, "health kick" sounds like something temporary to me. Like a diet.

Fail.

I think I need to make a relapse prevention plan. A diet relapse prevention. I really need to get a hold of my warning signs and triggers. Might as well start somewhere!

Relapse Signs

• researching diet and exercise routines
• change in mood (particularly feeling depressed)
• trying to drastically alter my eating habits
• restricting
• not eating intuitively
• comparing myself to others
• judging others' eating and exercise habits

It's really a shame how much of a cycle this becomes and how much of my life it can consume when there are so many more important things to focus on. Today, I am purposefully skipping the gym and going to run errands with a coworker to work on self-care instead of focusing on my body today.