Thursday, November 29, 2012

Processing a mini-binge

You might not even call it that. I ate two candy bars, big whoop. But it feels like kind of a big deal. It was purely emotional eating.

The last two days have been extremely stressful. Yesterday, there were a bunch of unexpected layoffs at my job. Last night, my dear daughter slept poorly due to a tummyache, which means I slept poorly. I had terrible coffee this morning. We found out more bad information about the layoffs and other future unknowns. The work day has gone by slowly. At the end of the day, I am pretty much by myself and it's lonely and I'm stressed and anxious and tired.

I decide I want some chocolate. I'll also note I had a soda today for the first time in days and I know soda can trigger other sweet cravings (whoops). I finally give in and go to the vending machine and get two candy bars because I can't decide. Back at my desk, I eat both back-to-back.

I feel my blood sugar skyrocket and actually get a little dizzy. I do make the smart decision to refill my water cup and drink a bunch of water to help flush the sugar somewhat. Now, I feel mildly guilty and stupid. My anxiety is a little better just because I have numbed out a little bit. I am still fairly exhausted, and still by myself. I realize I could have called someone for support, or done a gratitude check (I do this and feel stupider but still grateful for what I do have). I am also grateful for the lesson that, yet again, the food does not make the pain go away.

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