When you experience disordered eating, you have a hard time accepting that you do it.
You want to fix it, you want it to GO AWAY.
Something is wrong with you and it needs to be removed.
While I think it's okay to want to better yourself, I think you also can't fight with yourself constantly and make an enemy of yourself. You need to be able to accept "where you are" and then move forward from there.
I constantly fight with myself and have a high degree of self-loathing for feeling "weak" enough to have disordered eating habits. I get mad at myself and hate the way my body looks because I don't "have the willpower" to stop. I have distorted body image and low self-esteem. I then start to feel like I deserve to feel this way and be unhappy because I can't "fix it".
Before you change something, you have to accept that it's there, right? It might be there for a long time or never go away. It may be something you are constantly dealing with and working on. I think that once you acknowledge that this "something" is there, you can, to a degree, work "with it" instead of having this constant battle with, well, yourself.
My name is Shannon and I have an eating disorder.