Failing.

Last night, I almost had another mini-binge. If I had the opportunity, I probably would have. After eating several nighttime sweets, I felt really guilty and bad about myself. I again went back to feelings of wanting to restrict and lose x amount of weight.

Then I looked at my daughter playing on the floor.

I thought about having another child. If I get pregnant again, I'll gain weight again. Even if I lose weight now, it will come back then and I'll have to start all over.

I thought I was supposed to be over this. I was supposed to fix this for her. She can't see this, can't know that I deal with this. She will not go through this too.

That's when I realized I was failing.