Thursday, August 16, 2012

Feeling good enough.

I have struggled with depression on and off in my life. Bipolar disorder runs in my family. I have a running thought process that tells me I'm a bad person. Rationally, I know this is not true.  I am a good wife and mother, a good daughter, and a successful career woman. But sometimes, it's hard to feel good enough.

As I've mentioned before, I have a fear of being "too much". I know this lends itself to minimizing my good qualities or accomplishments. As a child, I was only ever praised for my intelligence. Not for my humor, or beauty, or kindness. Success was what seemed most important. Even that, however, I did not boast. You must appear "just right", not too loud or too proud or too vibrant.

That makes me really sad. As my emotional eating falls away, my feelings are a lot more prominent and these are at the forefront. It's important to feel your feelings but no one said it was pleasant. Growth sometimes comes with pain.

Sorry for the depressing post! I think we try to shy away from unpleasantness and darkness in life but, well, it's there. I also find that, through the darkness, we find the light.

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