Friday, October 5, 2012

Fear and loathing. (not in Las Vegas)

I have talked about this fear before. I have noticed recently how much I really hold myself back.

I overeat and keep myself at an unnatural weight for my body.
I only wear flats to be more practical.
I minimize my makeup to not draw too much attention.
Even when I try to buy edgier or more exciting clothes, I pair them with very bland pieces to detract from their interest and minimize attention.

That's really it. I am afraid of too much attention and, really, negative judgement. I know I shouldn't care what other people think and should just make myself happy. To be honest, I am really judgemental myself! I think self-loathing breeds negative thought processes towards others. Of course, I am especially critical of others' appearance because I am so hard on myself. I know that "like attracts like" so I am hoping that by making an attempt at being more positive and accepting, I will bring more positivity to myself and let go of some of the negative thought processes and fears that are embedded.

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